Morolake Dairo: Managing Relationships & the Other Side of a PhD

Morolake Dairo: Managing Relationships & the Other Side of a PhD

click photo for more information
Morolake Dairo: Managing Relationships & the Other Side of a PhD
Hello there. You are either starting or are well into your doctoral study and you’ve suddenly discovered a hidden course no one talks about. “Relationships of the PhD Student 101.” You may have about heard it in the introductory class, when the academic officer ranted words like “this will require a lot of sacrifice,” “time […]
11
111

Hello there. You are either starting or are well into your doctoral study and you’ve suddenly discovered a hidden course no one talks about. “Relationships of the PhD Student 101.”

You may have about heard it in the introductory class, when the academic officer ranted words like “this will require a lot of sacrifice,” “time is a luxury,” or “some of you will breakup with your girlfriend.” You smirked and rolled your eyes at what you thought was an exaggeration. You never imagined the reality would be as they described it. Until your friends and family started dropping hints about making more time for them.

Here are some sweet and bitter lessons I am still learning from my PhD journey in relation to managing such relationships, and what you can prepare for if you’re thinking of starting one:

Make a Schedule
Yes, a schedule for reaching out to people and not just your thesis. Just like you schedule to write 2500 words every day, you have to plan a people schedule to remember who and when to call, chat, visit or send a gift. Visits and hangouts can get more difficult, even with your closest friends. Sometimes I find that I make mental lists and actions that never actually happen. So include the people you have to check on in your to-do list.

Prioritize
You can’t go for every wedding, but you can’t miss certain family events or your child’s debut on the pitch either. You need to know what matters and plan around that. If you have to attend a wedding, plan the hours you want to stay or accommodate it in your reward system for meeting your writing deadlines (Reward: 2 hours at Annie’s party for writing 10,000 words this week).

Have a Talk
You need to do a debriefing with your loved ones and friends from time to time. Let them know you still care and this is just a season that will eventually pass – hangouts, movies, weddings, TGIF, talk-time may decline but your love is still alive.

Squeeze Out Time
As much as your availability will decline, you still need to make time. It’s a conscious effort of planning ahead. How many hours can you free up in a month? Also, instead of reading in the library, can you have a silent hangout with your friend researching and chatting in between at your place or theirs? If you have kids, can you schedule your reading hours when they attend to their homework? Something can always work, however difficult it may seem.

Include Them
Sometimes, your accountant buddy or girlfriend may have no clue about your topic on genetics engineering, but you can share your thoughts about your academic journey and how you feel, so they continue to feel included in your life.

You Will Lose Some
Truth be told, it can get difficult, and some people may never understand how you can transform from chatty and outgoing to quiet and constantly-in-the-library or shut out from the rest of the world (even after you explain that sometimes you spend 5 hours reading with a teeny paragraph of success to show for it). Your lover hangouts may vanish along with your memory of birthdays and anniversaries, and those may lead to endless disagreements and frustrations. Still, you must move on and try not to forget what is important.

Shut it Down
Temporarily, of course. Sometimes you need to shut it down for a while. Your body needs some rest and your mind needs to interact with the outside world (no, your research collaborators, colleagues and supervisor don’t count). It’s amazing what you learn or what can spark the light bulb you’ve been searching for for weeks when you speak to someone outside your research circle. Read a book that has nothing (absolutely nothing) to do with what you’re researching.

Spend Time With Yourself
Aside the relationships you have with others, you also need to make more time for yourself (library time doesn’t count). Sometimes, you have a writers block because your emotional and mental self needs a break. When last did you go on a walk and listened to some refreshing music, or just lie down and enjoy the silence? You can only give out what you have – and if your loved ones are getting you in small doses this period, it had better the best of yourself you are dishing out.

All the very best! Remember to breathe.

Please, feel free to share your tips on how you balanced relationships in pursuit of academic gold.

 

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

The post Morolake Dairo: Managing Relationships & the Other Side of a PhD appeared first on BellaNaija – Nigeria breaking & top news to the World 24/7. Read Today.

Here’s what happens when your man’s sex drive is lower than yours

click photo for more information
Here’s what happens when your man’s sex drive is lower than yours
<p class="">It is not uncommon for women to have a higher sex drive than their partners.</p> <p class="">The idea of a man being less interested in sex than his partner may sound unusual at first glance but a little consideration would show that it is really not as uncommon as it seems.</p> <p class="">Low libido […]
1
7

Ghana’s Bulk Oil Distributor predicts 2% drop in fuel prices

click photo for more information
Ghana’s Bulk Oil Distributor predicts 2% drop in fuel prices
<p class="">The Chamber of Bulk Oil Distributors (CBOD) in Ghana has revised the benchmark foreign exchange (FX) forward from 60 days to 30 days.</p> <p class="">The move is expected to translate into a two per cent and three per cent fall in ex-pump prices of refined petroleum products.</p> <p class="">The chamber made the revelation in […]
0
9

APC inaugurates 2 screening committees for Kogi, Bayelsa primaries

click photo for more information
APC inaugurates 2 screening committees for Kogi, Bayelsa primaries
The All Progressives Congress (APC) on Wednesday, inaugurated two screening committees to examine and scrutinise aspirants contesting for the party’s governorship primaries on Aug.  29. Continue reading APC inaugurates 2 screening committees for Kogi, Bayelsa primaries at Vanguard News. Related
0
7

CAF Champions League: Kotoko coach: We didn’t deserve to lose against Pillars

click photo for more information
CAF Champions League:  Kotoko coach: We didn’t deserve to lose against Pillars
The mind game continues as the second leg of the CAF Champions League preliminaries between Nigerian flagbearer Kano Pillars and their Ghanaian foes, Asante Kotoko whom they defeated 3-2 in the first leg a fortnight ago draws nearer. Continue reading CAF Champions League: Kotoko coach: We didn’t deserve to lose against Pillars at Vanguard News. […]
0
10

COSEYL wants Njoku, pioneer UNILAG, UNN VC immortalised

click photo for more information
COSEYL wants Njoku, pioneer UNILAG, UNN  VC immortalised
A group, Coalition of South East Youth Leaders, COSEYL, has called on President Muhammadu Buhari to immortalise the late Professor Eni Njoku in recognition of his contributions to the growth of education in Nigeria, particularly in the field of science. Continue reading COSEYL wants Njoku, pioneer UNILAG, UNN VC immortalised at Vanguard News. Related
0
8

Britain, Germany agree on Brexit with deal, differ on approaches

click photo for more information
Britain, Germany agree on Brexit with deal, differ on approaches
The EU, Merkel, and French President Emmanuel Macron have repeatedly rejected to renegotiate the Brexit deal with London. The post Britain, Germany agree on Brexit with deal, differ on approaches appeared first on Premium Times Nigeria. Related
0
12

Fresh UNIPORT Graduate Shot Dead By Trigger-Happy Police In Rivers

click photo for more information
Fresh UNIPORT Graduate Shot Dead By Trigger-Happy Police In Rivers
Chijim A UNIPORT graduate whose name has been given as Chijim has been murdered. According to reports, Chijim was allegedly shot dead by a trigger-happy policeman in Port Harcourt,  Rivers State. Read Also: Trigger Happy Police Allegedly Kills Young man Named Christian Onuoha A family member, Ojims Michael, who confirmed the incident, said: “My inlaw, a […]
0
9

Davido’s 30 Billion Gang Chain Now 4,000 Naira In Lagos Traffic || Watch Hilarious Moment Between A Buyer & Seller

click photo for more information
Davido’s 30 Billion Gang Chain Now 4,000 Naira In Lagos Traffic || Watch Hilarious Moment Between A Buyer & Seller
Davido’s 30 billion gang chain has been seen by some Nigerians to be sold for 4,000 naira in a Lagos traffic. A video of the transaction between a potential buyer and seller has stormed the internet which has got a lot of people rolling on the floor with laughter. The chain which definitely is a […]
0
10

Sports Journalist, Oma Akatugba Mocks Davido & Wizkid Over “Brown Skin Girl” & “Blow My Mind”

click photo for more information
Sports Journalist, Oma Akatugba Mocks Davido & Wizkid Over “Brown Skin Girl” & “Blow My Mind”
Nigerian sports journalist, Oma Akatugba has shared his views about Davido and Chris Brown’s “Blow My Mind” and Wizkid’s “Brown Skin Girl” With Beyoncé Since its release, Blow My Mind has continued to break records from its music video amassing over 10 million Youtube views within a few days to being the best song in […]
0
6

[Video] Burna Boy – Pull Up

click photo for more information
[Video] Burna Boy – Pull Up
Off his trending hit album “African Giant”; Burna Boy has unlocked the music video for “Pull Up”. “Pull Up” arrives after oluwaburna’s previous hit singles “Anybody“, “Dangote“, “Killin Dem“, “On The Low” and “Gbona”. GET AUDIO HERE Burna Boy shot this video in the States… he pulls up on his black skin ladies with his […]
0
5

[Video] Jay Bagz – Big Man Settings

click photo for more information
[Video] Jay Bagz – Big Man Settings
After featuring Erigga and Butch of JMG on “Warri Boy International” and Yung6ix on “Soji”; next rated music star Jay Bagz releases repping the South releases a new the music visual for his audacious single titled “Big Man Settings”. The “W.B.I” serenades with the CiqSounds produced afro-fusion cut. Jay woos his love interest promising to lavish […]
0
5

YouTuber surprises Friend with a Lamborghini & His Reaction will Leave you Teary-Eyed

click photo for more information
YouTuber surprises Friend with a Lamborghini & His Reaction will Leave you Teary-Eyed
YouTuber David Dobrik surprised his friend Heath Hussar with a Lamborghini on his birthday and it’s got people talking. David shared the video on social media, with both friends tearing up. Watch: I surprised my friend with a Lamborghini this morning and I haven’t stopped crying lol pic.twitter.com/o7ln3DPvv7 — DAVID DOBRIK (@DavidDobrik) August 20, 2019 […]
0
8
load more posts