Kingsley Obom-Egbulem: No Pregnancy, No Wedding

Kingsley Obom-Egbulem: No Pregnancy, No Wedding

click photo for more information
Kingsley Obom-Egbulem: No Pregnancy, No Wedding
Oftentimes, I wonder, What is the true value of a woman? Do we truly value women? If we do, why should the ability to bear children be part of a woman’s evaluation? The answer to these might end up being a subtle albeit honest indictment on the African/Nigerian society, where a woman’s value is based […]
0
13

Oftentimes, I wonder, What is the true value of a woman? Do we truly value women? If we do, why should the ability to bear children be part of a woman’s evaluation?

The answer to these might end up being a subtle albeit honest indictment on the African/Nigerian society, where a woman’s value is based purely on her ability to bear children.

This is one grudge I have held against the Nigerian man since my first taste of maturity. And it never got me so peeved until the experience of Thursday, December 27, 2012.

It was the last wedding ceremony I attended that year, and being in the yuletide mood, I was set for a great time.

I was indeed having a great time, enjoying the live band, until the entrance of the bride and groom truncated the song. Her protruding tummy was just too conspicuous for anyone to miss. Watching the careful manner she took her strides, a few of us feared she would put to bed before the end of the wedding reception.

“Here comes another pregnant bride,” a lady behind me joked. And all the people in her circle laughed as if this was a fad they were deliberately observing and recording.

“So, what’s happening here?” I muttered. I wanted to be sure I got the entire thing. And I did get the gist.

The mother of our dear bridegroom wanted to carry her grandchild before joining her ancestors. And she couldn’t hide her impatience. So, she told her beloved son to bring home not just a beautiful, educated lady capable of giving her the much-awaited grandchild, but that the said lady must demonstrate a capacity to reproduce.

So, our young lady accepted the offer. Or so it seemed. She was pregnant!

Now, I understand what happens when a man and a woman decide to play like real adults do. I also understand what the result of that play could be. But what I don’t understand is when a lady decides to demonstrate her level of fecundity because her would-be husband and mother In-law wanted her to get pregnant before her wedding day.

Motherhood, in my estimation, is a thing of pride that comes with womanhood. So why make it transactional? Why denigrate and make it part of the conditions for whatever relationship you intend to have with a woman? Sincerely, I don’t understand it.

Now, how does that make the woman different from or better than a poultry farmer and his farm produce?

Just in case you are wondering what sense I intend to make with this metaphor, let me educate you a little bit about the poultry farmer and his produce.

Many men (and women) in Nigeria perhaps don’t realise that the Nigerian woman, just like her counterparts in most developing nations, is actually being treated the same way a livestock farmer treats his cattle or birds. All in the name of marriage. This may sound ridiculous, but that was one of the shocking revelations I got at the end of this wedding.

It appears to me that our relationship with women is becoming more transactional, such that whenever anything is done for a woman, it is done with a livestock mentality. What, then, is this “livestock mentality” or “poultry farmer and poultry farm produce metaphor” we are talking about? It’s quite simple.

It means doing things for your wife or partner not because of who she is (or based on her value as a human being) but because of the benefit she brings on board.

For instance, if a girl child is being trained to cook, it is for her to cook well for her husband. If a woman is asked to feed well during pregnancy, it is actually for the foetus; so she could have a healthy baby, not just for her sake or health per se. If she is fed well after the birth of the baby, it’s for her to have enough breast milk for the baby. If she is bought a nice dress, it’s not just for her to cover her nakedness or feel warm, but to look beautiful, sexy and good, for her to look attractive and appealing to her man. But how many men eat or wear clothes so they can look good for their women? How many men go to the boutique to buy clothes with the intention of only blowing the mind of their women?

Back to our wedding ceremony. I couldn’t stop asking, “Why would a man want the lady he is dating to get pregnant before getting married to her?” Isn’t that “the making of a village chief?” (Sounds like the title for a tragicomedy.)

This is a great cause for concern because this might just give us an indication that the man is actually marrying a thing, not a wife.

If you value a woman only when she can bear children, it is indicative that how the woman will be treated when she eventually gets pregnant and how she is valued when the child is lost or even if the child is born is a cause for concern. It also means that the children are indeed the reason she is given any regard in the first place. You need the children and not the woman.

Again, we ask, how is this woman better than a layer, broiler or pullet bought at the start of the year and fed enough mash and all manner of chicken feeds so it can grow well, lay good eggs and be sold for food and money during yuletide? How is she different from a goat fed enough grass just so she can bear children we can sell at the end of her breeding season? It’s all about her offspring.

As I watched our young and pregnant bride walk out of the car and into the hall, my mind raced back and forth. I thought about the stuff in her head (what she’s made of and what she was out to prove by getting pregnant before her wedding day). I thought about her groom; how miserable such a man would be if that pregnancy was lost after the wedding, and what on earth would be his honour and pride walking two people to the altar (yes, the woman and the baby in her womb).

But would you blame him?

I thought about our society and how much we have degraded women. I thought about the bride’s father and what is left of his pride, having given away his precious daughter: tasted, sampled and heavily loaded by a boy he was not even sure would be sane enough to be a great husband, father and son-in-law.

I didn’t bother about the bride’s mom, for obvious reasons. For her, I could only mutter “shame.”

Now, this is not about sex before marriage and whether or not it is bad. From the slant of this article, one can guess my take on that issue. You can choose to fall in love with a guy and if your values permit you to have sex before marriage, that’s ok. If you get pregnant in the process, all is well and good too.

However, this is simply about the pride and dignity of womanhood, and the need to keep it intact irrespective of the pressures from a patriarchal society that wants to acquire and own her as one of the possessions around.

For a woman to choose to prove to anyone that she can bear children as a condition for her to be wedded is not only disgraceful but also classless. In fact, it puts the woman on the same level with a livestock. And for a man to give pregnancy as a condition for marriage makes him a herdsman and not a husband.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

The post Kingsley Obom-Egbulem: No Pregnancy, No Wedding appeared first on BellaNaija – Nigeria breaking & top news to the World 24/7. Read Today.

NYSC warns corps members against political thuggery, other crimes

click photo for more information
NYSC warns corps members against political thuggery, other crimes
The National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) has warned corps members to shun political thuggery and other related crimes. Continue reading NYSC warns corps members against political thuggery, other crimes at Vanguard News Nigeria. Related
21
11

Make child protection a priority, UNICEF tells parents, guardians

click photo for more information
Make child protection a priority, UNICEF tells parents, guardians
 The United Nations Children Fund (UNICEF), has advised parents and guardians against violating the rights of children in the interest of peace and national development. Continue reading Make child protection a priority, UNICEF tells parents, guardians at Vanguard News Nigeria. Related
0
12

TSA transaction value hits 13.53trn in 2017 — CBN report

click photo for more information
TSA transaction value hits 13.53trn in 2017 — CBN report
The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) says the migration of the Federal Government Ministries, Departments and Agencies (MDAs) to the Treasury Single Account (TSA) has led to positive growth in the value and volume of transactions recorded in end to end payments in 2017. Continue reading TSA transaction value hits 13.53trn in 2017 — CBN […]
0
10

Strategy: The romaine lettuce E.coli outbreak has been pinned on at least one farm in California with infected reservoir water

click photo for more information
Strategy: The romaine lettuce E.coli outbreak has been pinned on at least one farm in California with infected reservoir water
The US Food and Drug Association say they've traced the start of the outbreak which sickened 59 people across 15 states to three Californian counties. E.coli infected romaine lettuce which sickened people across 15 US states has been traced to at least one farm in California. Adam Bros. Farms in Santa Barbara used infected reservoir […]
16
7

Pulse List 2018: Top 7 celebrity moments of the year

click photo for more information
Pulse List 2018: Top 7 celebrity moments of the year
So guys, in no particular order, here are the top seven celebrity moments of 2018. 2018 has been indeed a very eventful year in the world of your favourite celebrities and there some moments that we will won’t forget in a hurry. For some of these celebrities, they were in the news every other week […]
0
9

Michael Afenfia: Rain, Tax and ASUU Strike

click photo for more information
Michael Afenfia: Rain, Tax and ASUU Strike
When in my undergraduate days I lost two entire academic sessions to strikes actions embarked upon by our lecturers, I chose to see it as a sacrifice my course mates and I had to make so that those coming after us would not have to go through what we went through in the 90s. It […]
5
11

BN Style: Elegante by Aisha Unveils Anniversary Collection Tagged Femme Elégante

click photo for more information
BN Style: Elegante by Aisha Unveils Anniversary Collection Tagged Femme Elégante
Elegante by Aisha has unveiled it’s Summer 2019 collection tagged ‘Femme Elégante’ According to a press statement: Elegante by Aisha has added a new range of designs to their collection of well-tailored pieces just in time for the festive season. The new collection aptly tagged: Femme Elégante features 3 piece, coordinated sets, party dresses and chic ready to wear […]
0
10

Kanye West goes on Twitter Rant against Drake, accuses him of Threatening His family

click photo for more information
Kanye West goes on Twitter Rant against Drake, accuses him of Threatening His family
Kanye West, Kenny Burns and Drake attend at Compound on June 20, 2015 in Atlanta, Georgia.  Between Thursday night and the early hours of Friday, Kanye West unleashed over a 100 tweets on various issues, but mainly about his feud with Drake. It all started (we suppose) from a message from someone on West’s team […]
0
8

My baby Daddy and I are not suitable–Linda Ikeji

click photo for more information
My baby Daddy and I are not suitable–Linda Ikeji
Controversial blogger, Linda Ikeji says her and her baby Daddy, Sholaye Jeremi are not suitable partners. Continue reading My baby Daddy and I are not suitable–Linda Ikeji at Vanguard News Nigeria. Related
12
9

Beautiful Pre-wedding photos of young legal practitioners melt hearts online

click photo for more information
Beautiful Pre-wedding photos of young legal practitioners melt hearts online
A young couple identified simply as Tosin and Ibukun, who are both lawyers and are set to walk down the aisle, have tried to tell their story with their pre-wedding photos which emerged online. Their pre-wedding photos truly tells the story of their love, in which the two of them are lawyers who love each […]
16
12

Sheun Natural – “Row Your Boat” (Prod. by LinoBeats)

click photo for more information
Sheun Natural – “Row Your Boat” (Prod. by LinoBeats)
Started with an Instagram freestyle, followed by a demand from his fans to record and drop the song, here is a new banger from the stable of Kobi Mighty Records as Sheun Natural closes the year 2018 with a bang titled Row Your Boat, Produced by Lino beats, Mixed and Mastered by Lord Gabrielz. Download, […]
27
4

Janet Jackson confirms induction into 2019 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

click photo for more information
Janet Jackson confirms induction into 2019 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
Pop icon, Janet Jackson has confirmed her induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for 2019. Continue reading Janet Jackson confirms induction into 2019 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame at Vanguard News Nigeria. Related
17
9
load more posts